Imodium is required
Never eat anything made by someone you don’t know
Don’t be afraid to throw out your entire plate of food and start over
Watch out for those people that like to pick up the food with their hands, and stay clear of those dishes
Make sure that hot food is kept hot and cold food stayes cold
IF ALL ELSE FAILS....GO STRAIGHT FOR THE DESSERT TABLE
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
The point of no return
There I was, long blonde wig flowing in the cool October wind, paten leather boots clicking on the sidewalk with my man beside me in his purple leopard print suit. We were hand in hand walking in a very familiar part of Seattle known as Capital Hill, on our way to a Halloween party.
The party opened with the popular game of Guitar Hero, moved onto Twister, and then a small dance party broke out. Around midnight the house was full of 50 some odd adults slightly buzzed on all kinds of substances. Seeing where the party was headed, a small group of us relocated ourselves to a private room, where we snacked on large hamburgers and chatted about nothingness until about 2am.
As I left the secluded room and ventured into the masses, I had no idea what I was in for.
A large group of people were passed out on the couch, while others were leaning against any wall or object they could find. The small dance party turned into what looked like a bunch of zombies throwing their bodies too and fro, limbs flopping back and forth with little effort, while their blood shot eyes bulged out of their heads. The decorations that were placed with such precision and care were torn from the walls and lay in large heaps all over the house.
I began to grab my belongings with a rapid force, compelled by fear and wanting to get the hell out of the Halloween party turned mad house.
Turns out that the party continued until 4am, when in a drunken stupor the owner of the house tour the IPOD filled with party music from the speaker and yelled at everyone to GET OUT!
Thank goodness Halloween only comes once a year.
The party opened with the popular game of Guitar Hero, moved onto Twister, and then a small dance party broke out. Around midnight the house was full of 50 some odd adults slightly buzzed on all kinds of substances. Seeing where the party was headed, a small group of us relocated ourselves to a private room, where we snacked on large hamburgers and chatted about nothingness until about 2am.
As I left the secluded room and ventured into the masses, I had no idea what I was in for.
A large group of people were passed out on the couch, while others were leaning against any wall or object they could find. The small dance party turned into what looked like a bunch of zombies throwing their bodies too and fro, limbs flopping back and forth with little effort, while their blood shot eyes bulged out of their heads. The decorations that were placed with such precision and care were torn from the walls and lay in large heaps all over the house.
I began to grab my belongings with a rapid force, compelled by fear and wanting to get the hell out of the Halloween party turned mad house.
Turns out that the party continued until 4am, when in a drunken stupor the owner of the house tour the IPOD filled with party music from the speaker and yelled at everyone to GET OUT!
Thank goodness Halloween only comes once a year.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Anonymous Survey
It’s that time of year again…the time where I get the “opportunity” to fill out an Employee Satisfaction Survey.
“Your participation in this survey will provide us with valuable feedback to ensure we are focusing our efforts on employee satisfaction and guiding organizational success in the right directions”
The first time I read that statement I got very excited. I remember exactly…it was October of 2002. A time where I thought I could truly make a difference. To think I actually thought that filling out this survey would actually bring some change. Oh poor Naïve Tristan…how wrong you were.
Yet, here I sit taking at least an hour out of my day to fill out a survey that won’t even get a glance.
As I come to the ‘Decision-Making’ section I write “Maybe if I noticed a change over the years I wouldn’t think this, but I have waited and waited for my or my co-workers opinions to make a difference, and believe me they never do”
The ‘Employee Development’ section I write “I see many of my co-workers on a daily basis who have constant Quality issues. I don’t know if or where the Performance Improvement Plans actually take place, but it is not making a difference. One employee namely me, will put in excellent work, but be late 5 or 6 minutes and gets severely punished, and yet other employees extend their weekends by either Monday or Friday being out “sick”, and they never reach a level of punishment that will make a difference. This is favoritism, and it is very discouraging to me and the other employees that come to work everyday and do a great job.”
The ‘Training’ section I write “I hear many inappropriate phone calls to customers, are the employees taking customer care to a level they shouldn’t. Is there a way to have mandatory training for those employees that are consistently doing this? Is there a way to have mandatory training for employees that fall behind in their performance, and always make the excuse of not being trained?”
The ‘Teamwork’ section I write “Do I think we work as a team??? Yes we work as a team, a mangled team trying to catch up co-workers that fall behind in their performance, but a team none the less”
The ‘Commitment’ section I write “I would not recommend working for this company to anyone. Over the many years of working here I have discovered that the average supervisor/manager runs the department based solely on who they are FRIENDS with. Again, I will reiterate the fact that I feel this department is run on favoritism”
As I take my perfectly typed anonymous survey, and put it into an envelop, one wonderful thing comes to my mind.
Eat your heart out Human Resources!!!!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Manditory Lunch with Coworkers
Anyone who works with normal people might think this opportunity would be great! But I have been spending all week dreading today because of it. I even told my boss that I couldn't’t go, but she told me I had to go to support the rest of my “Team”.
I don’t think I have ever mentioned it before, but I work with some larger women. Ok…maybe not just larger, but actually very large. I have found that eating out with “larger” people is always uncomfortable for me. I think it may be in relation to the fact that I grew up with a mother that was always obsessing about her weight even though she has always been very thin.
Not only was I nervous because of that reason...but my coworkers are all on average insane and therefore I knew this lunch was not going to be a good one.
The lunch started out with all 11 women ordering Diet Cokes…everyone knows what that means right? Save on the calories on the drink and you can eat more food. Then as the food order was taken I begin to realize larger people really love their food a certain way. I heard one co-worker order a BLT on white bread toasted not wheat, extra mayo, add avocado and extra cheese, no tomato, and extra crispy bacon, oh yea….and a salad with extra blue cheese dressing on the side. The orders were all like this. I actually begin to feel sorry for the waiter because he ran out of two sheets of paper taking our order. When he finally got to me the look on his face was one of complete horror…I actually saw a bead of sweat rolling down his cheek. I ordered chicken penne pasta. Then he stood there staring at me and said “is that it?” Yes I replied that’s all I need. He walked away from the table looking defeated as he entered the very large complicated order into the computer.
As we were waiting for our food the conversation started with one of my co-workers complaining about her second husband who inappropriately flirts with ever girl they come in contact with, and how she thinks that her daughter from her first marriage is having an affair with her current husband. (Am I the only one in this crazy company that believes work and home life should be separate? Just because we were all forced to spend our precious lunch together doesn’t give you the right to open your extra large mouth and vomit all your crazy ass stories onto the table!)
Anyway, just as this same co-worker began to talk about her lack of a sex life, our waiter arrived with our food. Finally something that would shut her up! These women love to eat, I don’t think I have ever seen so many people eat so fast, and without saying a word too…a moment of silence at last. Unfortunately that moment of silence was very short lived, and so I sat there silently praying that our waiter would bring our checks and I could get the hell out!
As the check was laid in front of me I let out a sigh of relief because I knew it was finally over…but oh was I dead wrong! I spent the next 20 minutes listening to these women argue with the waiter about the 15% gratuity that was automatically added to our bill.
One coworker said “well what if I don’t think you deserve 15% tip…then what?”
Another coworker said “this is ridicules…I need to speak with your manager immediately”
And yet another coworker said “I am just going to minus 15% from my bill and pay you what I want…because it is illegal for you to force me to tip you”
The comments went on and on until finally our defeated waiter asked his manager to take off the gratuity. As we left the restaurant I looked over the table to make sure our waiter got some sort of a tip, and realized there was literally 2$ in change left for him. Coming from 5 years of being a waitress… I couldn't’t leave this poor guy without some what of a tip, so I paid my bill and left him extra, hoping that his day would be better then the last hour of his life had been.
Next time we have a prescheduled “Team” lunch, I will be taking the day off.
I don’t think I have ever mentioned it before, but I work with some larger women. Ok…maybe not just larger, but actually very large. I have found that eating out with “larger” people is always uncomfortable for me. I think it may be in relation to the fact that I grew up with a mother that was always obsessing about her weight even though she has always been very thin.
Not only was I nervous because of that reason...but my coworkers are all on average insane and therefore I knew this lunch was not going to be a good one.
The lunch started out with all 11 women ordering Diet Cokes…everyone knows what that means right? Save on the calories on the drink and you can eat more food. Then as the food order was taken I begin to realize larger people really love their food a certain way. I heard one co-worker order a BLT on white bread toasted not wheat, extra mayo, add avocado and extra cheese, no tomato, and extra crispy bacon, oh yea….and a salad with extra blue cheese dressing on the side. The orders were all like this. I actually begin to feel sorry for the waiter because he ran out of two sheets of paper taking our order. When he finally got to me the look on his face was one of complete horror…I actually saw a bead of sweat rolling down his cheek. I ordered chicken penne pasta. Then he stood there staring at me and said “is that it?” Yes I replied that’s all I need. He walked away from the table looking defeated as he entered the very large complicated order into the computer.
As we were waiting for our food the conversation started with one of my co-workers complaining about her second husband who inappropriately flirts with ever girl they come in contact with, and how she thinks that her daughter from her first marriage is having an affair with her current husband. (Am I the only one in this crazy company that believes work and home life should be separate? Just because we were all forced to spend our precious lunch together doesn’t give you the right to open your extra large mouth and vomit all your crazy ass stories onto the table!)
Anyway, just as this same co-worker began to talk about her lack of a sex life, our waiter arrived with our food. Finally something that would shut her up! These women love to eat, I don’t think I have ever seen so many people eat so fast, and without saying a word too…a moment of silence at last. Unfortunately that moment of silence was very short lived, and so I sat there silently praying that our waiter would bring our checks and I could get the hell out!
As the check was laid in front of me I let out a sigh of relief because I knew it was finally over…but oh was I dead wrong! I spent the next 20 minutes listening to these women argue with the waiter about the 15% gratuity that was automatically added to our bill.
One coworker said “well what if I don’t think you deserve 15% tip…then what?”
Another coworker said “this is ridicules…I need to speak with your manager immediately”
And yet another coworker said “I am just going to minus 15% from my bill and pay you what I want…because it is illegal for you to force me to tip you”
The comments went on and on until finally our defeated waiter asked his manager to take off the gratuity. As we left the restaurant I looked over the table to make sure our waiter got some sort of a tip, and realized there was literally 2$ in change left for him. Coming from 5 years of being a waitress… I couldn't’t leave this poor guy without some what of a tip, so I paid my bill and left him extra, hoping that his day would be better then the last hour of his life had been.
Next time we have a prescheduled “Team” lunch, I will be taking the day off.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Satisfaction Guaranteed
I woke up this morning with a very depressing thought.
Is anyone ever really satisfied? I realized that in my life there is only one thing I am truly satisfied with and that is my significant other. The rest of my life goes something like this.
I lived with my parents and couldn't’t wait to move out, I moved out into an apartment and I wanted a house, I move into a house and I hate the responsibility of the upkeep.
I couldn't’t wait to grow up and be responsible without the parents telling me what to do, now I wish I were young and carefree.
As a waitress I couldn't’t wait to work regular hours and no weekends, now….well if you’ve read my blog you can see that my work environment is insane!!!
I always want a better wardrobe, a better camera, a Tevo with more space, a better car, a high tech phone, a different job……you get the picture.
This is my life, I will continue to reach for something better, and I will continue to want something more.
Is anyone ever really satisfied? I realized that in my life there is only one thing I am truly satisfied with and that is my significant other. The rest of my life goes something like this.
I lived with my parents and couldn't’t wait to move out, I moved out into an apartment and I wanted a house, I move into a house and I hate the responsibility of the upkeep.
I couldn't’t wait to grow up and be responsible without the parents telling me what to do, now I wish I were young and carefree.
As a waitress I couldn't’t wait to work regular hours and no weekends, now….well if you’ve read my blog you can see that my work environment is insane!!!
I always want a better wardrobe, a better camera, a Tevo with more space, a better car, a high tech phone, a different job……you get the picture.
This is my life, I will continue to reach for something better, and I will continue to want something more.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
If only I were one of those creatures that have a shell attached to their bodies, I would crawl right in and make myself nice and comfy.
When I was in elementary school I would dream of the day when I would be in High School, and when High School didn’t meet my expectations I would dream about College. You know the place where students and teachers can interact on an entirely different level. Where no opinion is a wrong opinion, and the professors respected you because when it comes down to it, you are paying their salary. I dreamt of missing school without having to get a parent note, and I imagined myself walking into class late or leaving early without a second glance from anyone. People I was dead wrong!
Last night in my Surgical Nursing class I witnessed the miracle of what the human mind can accomplish. I saw my professor go from calm to rage in literally 10 seconds, all from one comment from a fellow student.
Student says in a very relaxed non blaming tone: “I wish we had more hands-on workshops in this class”
Professor says face beaming red nostrils flaring: “If you have a problem with this class, you and I need to take this outside”
Student: “I don’t have a problem with this class, in fact I am learning a lot, I just wish I could practice what I am learning.”
Professor: “You obviously have an issue with me and my teaching style if you say that”
Student: “Sorry if you felt attacked by that comment, I was just saying how I feel”
Professor: “Who the Fuck asked you how you felt? Not me!!! Get out of my classroom! Now! After that comment I am marking you absent for the entire night, and I will be taking this issue to the Dean!”
The second that student left the classroom, the Professor was back to her little cheerful self as if nothing ever happened, and after that outburst I am sure wont happen again. These college students will sit back and nod in agreement to anything and everything we are told. No engaging discussion, no teacher and students learning together…
Hmmmmmmmm sounds like my dreams were wrong again. L
Last night in my Surgical Nursing class I witnessed the miracle of what the human mind can accomplish. I saw my professor go from calm to rage in literally 10 seconds, all from one comment from a fellow student.
Student says in a very relaxed non blaming tone: “I wish we had more hands-on workshops in this class”
Professor says face beaming red nostrils flaring: “If you have a problem with this class, you and I need to take this outside”
Student: “I don’t have a problem with this class, in fact I am learning a lot, I just wish I could practice what I am learning.”
Professor: “You obviously have an issue with me and my teaching style if you say that”
Student: “Sorry if you felt attacked by that comment, I was just saying how I feel”
Professor: “Who the Fuck asked you how you felt? Not me!!! Get out of my classroom! Now! After that comment I am marking you absent for the entire night, and I will be taking this issue to the Dean!”
The second that student left the classroom, the Professor was back to her little cheerful self as if nothing ever happened, and after that outburst I am sure wont happen again. These college students will sit back and nod in agreement to anything and everything we are told. No engaging discussion, no teacher and students learning together…
Hmmmmmmmm sounds like my dreams were wrong again. L
Monday, October 8, 2007
Temporary Insanity
Christopher Columbus was a navigator, colonizer and one of the first Europeans to explore the Americas after the Vikings. Columbus' voyages led to general European awareness of the hemisphere and the successful establishment of European cultures in the New World. (Wikipedia.com)
He discovered the “New World”! Holy Shite!!! That is a huge deal!!! Yet here I sit disrespecting Columbus and his great discovery… by working. This is blasphemy, and the worst part about it is that all the banks get the day off! I’m here in 4x4 foot cubical…while my significant other enjoys his day at home.
How can such a cruel world exist!
He discovered the “New World”! Holy Shite!!! That is a huge deal!!! Yet here I sit disrespecting Columbus and his great discovery… by working. This is blasphemy, and the worst part about it is that all the banks get the day off! I’m here in 4x4 foot cubical…while my significant other enjoys his day at home.
How can such a cruel world exist!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Crave it fortnightly
The perfect afternoon snack
Salty Crunchy Cheesy
A little joy in a perfectly shaped orange box
Who can resist the temptation?
Who can eat just one handful without reaching for another?
Certainly not me!
Salty Crunchy Cheesy
A little joy in a perfectly shaped orange box
Who can resist the temptation?
Who can eat just one handful without reaching for another?
Certainly not me!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Back to the grind
The following conversation took place between a Coworker, and a valued customer earlier this morning.
Coworker: “My sister is like the town bicycle, everyone gets a ride”
Customer: "I am not sure I know what you mean"
Coworker: “Lets just say she is open to screwing any man that comes her way”
Customer: “Oh”
Coworker: “She is pregnant with her third child, and all three children have different daddies”
After hearing this one of my other coworkers was offended by it and talked to my manager.
Offended coworker: "I don't think it is appropriate for someone to talk to a customer like that"
Manager: "Well you obviously need to get a sense of humor"
Coworker: “My sister is like the town bicycle, everyone gets a ride”
Customer: "I am not sure I know what you mean"
Coworker: “Lets just say she is open to screwing any man that comes her way”
Customer: “Oh”
Coworker: “She is pregnant with her third child, and all three children have different daddies”
After hearing this one of my other coworkers was offended by it and talked to my manager.
Offended coworker: "I don't think it is appropriate for someone to talk to a customer like that"
Manager: "Well you obviously need to get a sense of humor"
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