Manditory Lunch with Coworkers

Anyone who works with normal people might think this opportunity would be great! But I have been spending all week dreading today because of it. I even told my boss that I couldn't’t go, but she told me I had to go to support the rest of my “Team”.

I don’t think I have ever mentioned it before, but I work with some larger women. Ok…maybe not just larger, but actually very large. I have found that eating out with “larger” people is always uncomfortable for me. I think it may be in relation to the fact that I grew up with a mother that was always obsessing about her weight even though she has always been very thin.

Not only was I nervous because of that reason...but my coworkers are all on average insane and therefore I knew this lunch was not going to be a good one.

The lunch started out with all 11 women ordering Diet Cokes…everyone knows what that means right? Save on the calories on the drink and you can eat more food. Then as the food order was taken I begin to realize larger people really love their food a certain way. I heard one co-worker order a BLT on white bread toasted not wheat, extra mayo, add avocado and extra cheese, no tomato, and extra crispy bacon, oh yea….and a salad with extra blue cheese dressing on the side. The orders were all like this. I actually begin to feel sorry for the waiter because he ran out of two sheets of paper taking our order. When he finally got to me the look on his face was one of complete horror…I actually saw a bead of sweat rolling down his cheek. I ordered chicken penne pasta. Then he stood there staring at me and said “is that it?” Yes I replied that’s all I need. He walked away from the table looking defeated as he entered the very large complicated order into the computer.

As we were waiting for our food the conversation started with one of my co-workers complaining about her second husband who inappropriately flirts with ever girl they come in contact with, and how she thinks that her daughter from her first marriage is having an affair with her current husband. (Am I the only one in this crazy company that believes work and home life should be separate? Just because we were all forced to spend our precious lunch together doesn’t give you the right to open your extra large mouth and vomit all your crazy ass stories onto the table!)
Anyway, just as this same co-worker began to talk about her lack of a sex life, our waiter arrived with our food. Finally something that would shut her up! These women love to eat, I don’t think I have ever seen so many people eat so fast, and without saying a word too…a moment of silence at last. Unfortunately that moment of silence was very short lived, and so I sat there silently praying that our waiter would bring our checks and I could get the hell out!

As the check was laid in front of me I let out a sigh of relief because I knew it was finally over…but oh was I dead wrong! I spent the next 20 minutes listening to these women argue with the waiter about the 15% gratuity that was automatically added to our bill.

One coworker said “well what if I don’t think you deserve 15% tip…then what?”

Another coworker said “this is ridicules…I need to speak with your manager immediately”

And yet another coworker said “I am just going to minus 15% from my bill and pay you what I want…because it is illegal for you to force me to tip you”

The comments went on and on until finally our defeated waiter asked his manager to take off the gratuity. As we left the restaurant I looked over the table to make sure our waiter got some sort of a tip, and realized there was literally 2$ in change left for him. Coming from 5 years of being a waitress… I couldn't’t leave this poor guy without some what of a tip, so I paid my bill and left him extra, hoping that his day would be better then the last hour of his life had been.

Next time we have a prescheduled “Team” lunch, I will be taking the day off.